Can I Sleep With You?

2005-03-11T03:57:00.000-08:00

Nonono, the title of this entry is really not what you're thinking.

I was watching TV with Woon Choon the night before and it was like any other night. WC will just be pinching my cheeks and talking to me in "baby language", while i make retarded comments to irritate him while he was concentrating on the show. Yup, just a normal night. I lead a sad life.

Lionel came back to the bunk at around 9 plus, mentioning something about just finishing his work. When he said work, i guess he meant the walk between his bunk and wherever he came from. Anyway, the 2 maggots decided to watch Face, a Korean horror movie, and they were dragging me to watch it with them. Yah, they literally dragged me. But i easily overpowered them with my strength and mass. That's the only good thing to come out of my fats.

They were begging me like crazy to watch the show with them, and even kicked my door down. Biscuit! Eventually i relented, not because i want to be nice to the ungrateful, childish, overboard (i shall stop here or this entry will overflow with negative adjectives) arse holes, but because i cannot show my weakness. I cannot be afraid of ghost movies.

So i went to their bunk, after which they immediately turned off the lights, locked the door, and kept the keys. Friggin shit! No escape! Just like Ranger Lek's office! The movie started and maggot WC was squeezing me to death, cannot breathe properly. I think he's more scared than me. Still want to act cool, watch horror show. Heh heh heh.

The movie went on and it got damn eerie. The climax was when the lead actor dug up a head in the sand, and the head suddenly opened her eyes! Then they showed this ghost crawling on the ceiling. Shit man. Now i don't dare to look at the ceiling anymore, so now i sleep facing downwards. Got difficulty breathing... BUT AT LEAST I'M BREATHING COS IF I SEE A GHOST, I WON'T BE ALIVE!

After the show ended, the 2 maggots were going "this show is retarded", "not scary at all". Wah, shit man. I think i'm the only one scared like mad. But cannot show my coward side. I tahan. I stayed at Lionel's bunk to watch TV with him, in hope of wearing myself out so that i can return to bunk and fall asleep immediately. But, before i could get tired, Lionel fell asleep. leaving me all alone. Maggerous. Lucky JJ accepted me into his bunk, otherwise i'll really not sleep the whole night.

Although i was sleeping with JJ, i was still thinking about the show. My mind wandered, and even thought, what if JJ is a ghost? Maggot man! Sleep alone, scared. Sleep with people, scared. I already lead such a sad life, and now everyone, and everything (if you count the ghosts) making my life sadder. Friggin shit.

One day i will come out with a plan to utterly destroy the PGM maggots. However, yesterday i got destroyed in the toilet when Lionel scared me out of 10 years' growth. I think he wants me to be like Peter Pan, the boy who never grows up. Shit. I did it again. I should stop cracking corny jokes cos everyone thinks it's so funny. Everytime i try to be a sarcastic little bastard, i become a cute little clown.

Digress a lot. My new aim in life: Destroy all PGM officers. I shall ponder how tonight in bed. With the lights on.

The Bobo Legacy

2005-03-05T07:14:00.000-08:00

There are so many things in life i just don't understand. Why is life so sad? Why do people talk about love when only lust exists? Why the hell does everyone like to pinch my cheeks? I've decided to record the events and happenings of my life to answer these questions, and also to show that i may be tough, ruggard and emotionless on the outside, i'm really a soft teddy bear waiting to be loved (no, not lusted).

The Party
It's Peng Chuan's birthday today and i was invited to go to his party at his house. I really wanted to go and mingle with his friends and widen my social circle, only thing that stopped me was when i heard 2 words used together in the same sentence: "bobo" and "pool". Maggots. They'll never take me alive.

But after reading all the romance novels, i really want to try my luck. I know nobody loves me, but maybe can just make more frens. So... must force myself to go!

Afternoon. Received calls from half the 24SA batch, asking whether i coming. More pressure. I decided not to think too much. Why let these maggots ruin my chance to know more frens? Besides, i'm not the birthday boy... why throw me into the pool? Because i'm cute? Erm... wait. That's probably the answer.

The party started well. I helped out with some sai kang, talked cock with the 24SA maggots. It was until i played daidee with Junde, Lionel and Woon Choon. They all ganged up against me and made me lose a couple of times, and made me drink almost half a can of beer. I couldn't control myself after that! I made sarcastic comments to insult them, but they took it as a joke and called me something like "the king of one-liners". I made my fatal error in my 5th game of daidee. After a couple mouthfuls of carlsberg, i did what the PGM idiots call "the 3 shot laugh", not thrice, not 4 times, but 5 times! Friggin shit. The PGM idiots went bonkers. BLARDY SHIT! IT WAS JUST HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH, AND THAT WAS FUNNY? Anyway, soon after, i started to catch faint hints of "bobo" and "pool" again. I took up my defensive stance: sit one corner and read my book. Kevin Chen tried to pull me away from my books at one point of time. Stupid old man, has as much brains as his hair. I won't fall for his trick. At this point of time, it's no longer me who speaks, but the alcohol. What if i give out a 6 shot laugh by accident? Confirm throw me into the pool.

My profile was super low for the rest of the day. It was until when 24SA took pictures with Peng before cutting the birthday cake, Peng had to announce to the whole crowd, my name and say i'm a very nice person and a lot of shit. Then after that, while taking photo, everybody pinch my cheeks like i'm some kind of toy. Maggots! First, want to introduce me to his frens, then embarrass me in front of them. All of them, brainless, just like Kevin Chen.

After a while, everyone was so engrossed with throwing Peng in the pool, i just slipped to one corner beside the security guard, seeking sanctuary. 24SA... hooligans man. All in all, i escaped the pool for the whole party... BUT NOT THE EMBARRASMENT. Friggin shit.

I would like to pay my, *ahem*, TRIBUTE to my 24SA magg... err, frens.

HQ
SIDTHARTHAN: Smoke, smoke, smoke. Maggot you, always bring your frens sleep in our bunk, make me stranded at night with no place to sleep. But never mind, since you taught me how to slack and sleep whole day, i forgive you. And now, it seems you got more work than me. Heh heh heh. (*3 shot laugh*)

CLEMENT: Always not around, but good also. The bunk so spacious. Last time always leave me to die with "all talk no action" Oh Kian Wee. Now you kena IOs, more work than me! Heh heh heh (*3 shot laugh*)

PGM
WOON CHOON: Biggest maggot. Always pinching my cheeks, making fun of me, talking nonsense to me... even when i'm sleeping! I think he needs to see a psychiatrist to fix his head. And everytime around him, always have to watch my mouth, cannot say "oei", "friggin shit" or my 3 shot luff, otherwise he'll irritate me with his laughter. I hope i won't be going to the same uni as him.

LIONEL: Wah, another one who abuses me physically. Frigggin shit man, he's the one who came up with Project:Bob, to find me a girlfren by widely publicising me! Idiot, only throw my chubby face.

WEILI: He may like under-aged girls, but at least he's the most sane among the PGM idiots. Everyday come camp sleep sleep sleep, but something like me now la. I hate it when he touches me with his cold hands, but at least he doesn't distort my cheeks. Shit... is this counted as molest?

MARK YAP: Last time always give me the "Bob the Builder" shit. And when he talk to me, like talking to baby like that. "Eeeeeeeeee, Booob, the builder!" Lucky he gives me rides on his mercedes and help me escape from camp and work early, otherwise i will just utterly destroy him.

R&S
RONGJUN: Ai ya, even though he makes fun of me, at least he doesn't abuse me physically... not often la. So i say he's quite a good guy. Wait, there should be no love in this world. He's a maggot.

ROBIN: Always not in camp... i envy him man. If i ever disappear like him, CI will just murder me. Imagine i do so much work and Sid is so damn slack, and yet he can say i should be as hardworking as Sid.

TAI TONG: I envy him more, except his raging, overgrown and out-of-control body hair. ORD loh.

KEVIN CHEN: This guy, i don't understand him. Maybe because he from ang moh country. Always slang here slang there, loud loud, just like ang mohs. I'll give you some of my swear words from England man: arse hole.

ARTHUR
GUANGZHENG: Shit man, can you stop using friggin shit? That's my trademark man! And stop hanging out with Woon Choon. You're starting to abuse me more, no wonder my cheeks getting more and more swollen. And the more swollen it gets, the more people will pinch it. Friggin shit.

PENG CHUAN: Good guy. Don't abuse me, don't disturb me. BUT JUST FOR EMBARRASING ME AT YOUR PARTY, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY LABELLED MAGGGGGGGGOOOOOTTTT!

HAROLD: Old man, so he's not so childish. At least i can talk seriously with him, but too bad he quite slack, always not around. CTC, my foot!

TA
MOK: For me, i want to be ostracised, and this guy is ostracised, so got a bit of similarity. Maybe the more i hang out with him, the more people will keep away from me. The concept of mixing with shit, so that the smell will scare everyone away.

JJ: Another abuser!! Last time in R&S office, give me 1 times good one, backstrab me from behind and completely crushed my cheeks. I won't forget you JJ. One day i will destroy you.

JERROME: Shit man, i forgot how he looks like.

MARK KAY: This guy, i think got aids. Not sure, but better be safe than sorry. But sometimes no choice, need to go his bunk to watch TV. Aids is not airborne right?

My TRIBUTE to 24SA, April 2004 to June 2005 Officers batch. May you all.... rot.

There's no love in the world... only lust

Can I Sleep With You?

The Bobo Legacy